.. :: Tattoos & Teardrops ::..

lonely... bored... empty... lost...

what i've realised... a couple of weeks ago.. (but i've been too busy with random shit to blog it)... is that when you're in a place where no one knows you or anything about you.. they have to take you for what you say you are... or the way you behave...

i think i may have mentioned this briefly.. or i may just be trippin out...
anyways..

I've always been the annoying chick.. the one with the fkt up relatives.. the one with the gangster ex boyfriends... the one who hung out with the skanks, therefore i was apparently one too... the one who hung out with bimbos... the one who hung out with the wrong people... the one who was a good girl... the one who ... i dunno.. the list fucken goes on... but my point is..

now i'm just the girl from Melbourne... the new asian chick with big boobs... the loud one... the cute one... the one with the bf that always visits cos they're so in love... the one who's always happy.. the one who seems a bit weird... but not weird enough to dislike....

everyone at work has to take me for me.... they have to take me for what i show... i didn't think it'd be such a huge thing... but i guess "reputations" really effect the way people treat & see you...

im glad that for once... EVERYONE is just taking me for face value... there's no bias... there's no pre-judgement from just words or relations..

it's such a welcomed change...

hugs & kisses...
early xmas presents for Mr.X
"go away.... u cant look!!"
i wrap the gadgets... i can't wrap non-square items so they look a bit dodgy...
"Mr.X!!!... they're ready!!"
Mr.X comes out of a room where music is blaring (he's missed his music)
we gather around Mr.X's mother's table..
tearing the purple paper to shreds... smiling ear to ear...
my heart flutters...
he sees it's an mp3 player.. i just hope it's good cos i dont know shit about these things haha..
"i'll wrap ur other ones now.. go away!!"
yay... there's a square one !! these dont look as bad... i think..
he unwraps the first one... protective case & travel pack
"this can only mean one thing!!!!"
his smile grows even bigger... along with his beautiful deep grey/blue/green eyes...
tears open the other box...
PSP!
he stretches his arms out for a hug as i laugh

the past 2 hours he's been exploring his new electronics
i guess he likes them lol

the pleasure of giving gets me everytime
especially when i enjoy seeing that person smile so much...

i love you

rock n roll bitches
-s2- Miss.X

a night in Melbourne...
a few hesitations as we rolled up to Southern Cross station cos im crashing @ mum & dad's tonight...
im worried dad will crack it @ me again... do i not speak to him? do i pretend like nothing happened? am i suppose to suck up to him and be a "good" daughter? ... we'll see what happens aye...

Mr.X waits with me as my Pakenham train arrives & we say our goodbyes... "i'll see ya tomorrow baby!"
Mum picks me up from Dandy... we get to mum n dad's place.. dad's outside with a couple of mates havin ciggies & beers... everyone says hi...

Mum resumes her game of Mahjong with a bunch of annoying, old Chinese women... they talk shit (as usual) "ur so black.. u've lost weight.. u haven't even been gone that long.. why dont u speak proper Chinese?"... fuck you all cunts...

Everyone leaves... i call up my mate Terren to see if he wants to go out.. Bubble? we'll see how it goes...

i feel sick from the shitty train food... oh well it was free... i crash out on the couch next to dad who's snoring whilst holding the remote 2 his newly installed satellite which is all chinese crap.

Mum makes up the spare bed for me after a little talk... i fall asleep.. woken by mum sneaking into my room with a wad of hundreds in her hand.. "put this away and dont tell anyone.. i want you to have it cos i know you're broke".. she sneaks away and keeps cleaning the house....

I see Barry!!! she's skinny & i cant wait to see her kittens.. she only has 2 left now... she walks off and comes back with a ginger kitten dangling from her mouth squeeling... she puts the kitten down in front of me... as if to present her baby to me... so i make up a little bed for her & her baby... (cardboard box & blankets) ... we know she has another kitten somewhere.. not sure where... but i figure they're under the house... Barry wont get the grey one so mum pushes her out the door n shuts it behind her.. after 10 minutes of sooking.. she walks off, returns with a grey kitten... they're all happy in the box now.. and so fucking cute!!!!

Leaving dandy ... dad hands me another wad of cash... im quite surprised. He was nice to me all day today.. we all sat & watched tv n were a family for once... anyways... he told me it was for my birthday n stuff and told me to be good & work hard... on the way to the station mum tells me he's changed & he's such a nice guy now... he cried & apologised for the way he treated us all... i guess he cant bring himself to apologise to my sister & i face to face... but thats okay with me... i hope he stays this way... mum is happy .. finally..

anyways.. i've typed too much.. i got my nails done a couple of days ago and im still not use to having long nails yet hehe..

rock n roll bitches!!
Miss.X

well..... things are great again.. after a day or 2 of shitness...
the place in bondi went haywire cos the stupid bitch that was leasing it out is a tripped out acid head hippy bitch.. she wouldn't let anyone speak 2 her to try and get our money back.. $500 is a lot of money when you're broke as fuck!!

the bitch agreed that we'd give her $500 and she'd let us stay in the room & give the $1300 later on with the rent later on as we got settled.. she was fine with it.. so we hurried up & gave her $500... then she fucken said... "you can move in.. end of the week".. then it became "you can move in start of next week"... then "ohhh.. i gotta check with my friend if it's okay because he pays for this house too".... after taking our money.. she failed to fucking mention that the decision wasn't hers to make!!! stupid fucking bitch..

i wish u get skin cancer. u leather faced mole!!

how can she rip people off like that? she knew we were new to sydney & struggling.. yet she had no fucking problem taking money off us... stupid bitch!!!!!

i hate her!!... fucken FRANCIS... yes.. beware of a leather faced, bleach blonde, hairy armpitted hippy tripper that smells like old dog!!! she'll take your money and try to pull a runner!!!..


anyways.. thanks to Mr.X & his mother.. they spoke to the mole and we're getting our money back on monday...

Mr.X originally planned to be nice & apologise just to shut her up and be nice.. ( i couldn't do it cos i was so angry )... but it didnt work.... so life-saving Mr.X's mother stepped in and showed the hippy hag a thing or 2 about Melbournians.. lol in ur face hippy!!!

neway.... we've now landed a place in Botany.. newly renovated.. our own bedroom.. no screaming kids... close to work.. TV!!!!! we're both really happy.....

That's all for now.... our last home cooked chinese/russian meal for a very long time....

xoxo
with love & hate
Miss.X


-P.S -
Thanks Mr.X's mother for all the help... i appreciate it more than you could imagine...
and also.. just for the record, i'm sorry for not being able to give you the information you wanted when your son left... i desperately wanted to.. but i had to respect his wishes...

I hope you & your daughter are both okay.. and im sorry for any problems caused... i love you guys like family... you're the closest to the real thing i've had (as you know.. mine's a bit non-family) .... Mr.X & i are both really happy.. he's back to himself.. the Mr.X i fell in love with.. he's happy.. happy on the inside & i can tell... and also.. dunno if u guys care.. but i haven't had a low since that time i pissed u guys off by knocking on your door @ 5am... i also apologise for that... my head wasn't right .... it was all for the right reasons.. but my head made all the wrong decisions..

Miss.B - i meant everything i said to you that night we chilled in the backyard.... you're one special chick & im sorry to you for the shit that happened.. i swear i did the best i could for your brother's sanity. i heard you're doing well... im happy for ya!!

i hope u both forgive me.. i made stupid mistakes

anyways... enough of that stuff.. it's gettin me a bit poo-ey... but anyways.. hope u guys can come up and visit sometime!!

xoxo!!!

• Some people have been honest with me... and i've remained friends with till this day... amazingly they can actually stand me ...
• Some people have been honest with me and told me what they've found annoying... i've either toned it down a bit.. or simply fucked them off...

but i've come to realise lately, that shitloads of people have pretended that everything was fine, but thought something else... and they were too cowardly to come out with it and just voice it...

All i've got to say is.... grow some fucking balls & be honest... it'd save a lot of my time as well as yours... (which i dont really give 2 fucks about)... it'd cut out shitloads of bullshit and effort on both sides...

Maybe it's just the kind of personality i have... im not shy to voice my opinions n shit... so i find it hard to understand why people just come out and say what they are really thinking....

Are people so afraid that they'll pretend to get along with ya... just to keep the peace..? jeebus.. im a 5'1 asian chick who giggles at everything that moves...

how the fuck can anyone be scared of me??!!

Why can't people just be honest...?

Anyone got any clues as to why...? this shit is really busting my balls... (or lack off)

tattoos & teardrops... with love & hate.... Miss. X

*mwOarz*

You're a 90s kid if:
You can finish this
[Ice Ice _ _ _ _ ]

You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin West Philidelphia, born and raised . . ."

You remember watching:
- Hey Arnold
- The Bugs Bunny Show
- Ren & Stimpy
- Pinky and the Brain
- AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
- Rocko's Modern Life.

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

FastFoward was the greatest sketch show on TV.

You remember:
- Step by Step
- Family Matters
- Dinosaurs
- Boy Meets World

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You remember reading "Goosebumps" and "Animorphs."

Paul Jennings and Andy Griffiths were the funniest authors of all time.
You watched Round the Twist!
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You said "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not

When everything was settled by:
- Rock, Scissors, Paper
- Dip dip...
- There's a party by the pool, would you like to come?
- Eeny, meeny, miny, mo!

When Cops & Robbers was a daily activity.
When we played Tiggy, Safe, 40/40 and Hide & Seek until our legs grew numb.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of all time.
Tazos owned chip packets.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.

You remember when Super Nintendo and Sega Genisis became popular.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Wally books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember Push Pops and Lucky Dips.
And YoGo gorilla... and the original Cocoa Pops monkey: "It's just like a chocolate milkshake - only crunchy!"

Home-made birthday cards were cool, especially the ones where you'd cut a mouth into it so that it opened up and a tongue popped out.
Making those little paper fortune things, and then predicting your life with them.
Tamagotchis had to be banned in school because of their popularity.


You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet with dial up!Juice boxes where only 80cents.
Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
You knew Michael Jordan was the best all-time basketballer who played for the Chicago Bulls, even though we don't follow NBA basketball.
Barbie & Ken by Mattel owned the shelves.
World 4 Kids, before Toys R Us.
Playdough was the coolest stuff invented.
You understand when I say "Cheez TV".
You collected all the Troll dolls.
If you even know what a walkman is.
The original Pokemon with Ash, Misty and Brock.
Before those try-hards at the Yu-Gi-Oh production plant.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena off by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"
You went to McDonald's to play in the playground, and Happy Meals only cost $2.95 for a cheeseburger, small fries and coke.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
You had slap bracelets!

Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When petrol was $0.65 a litre & Caller ID was a new thing.
When you had to be one lucky kid to get a mobile phone before you were 16.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.

Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90s so much!!!!!