Monday, November 12, 2007
To: Nobody
I'm fed up with the way your thoughtless actions and words effect my life and have been for nearly 21 years. You claim to be the foundation of our family.... you sure are... but only when it comes to us copping a fist to the head or a kick to the ribs.... among so many other obscure objects that happened to be lying in ur path of destruction that you've beaten us with.
You are the core to my depressive state.... i don't need to pay someone ridiculous amounts of money per hour to tell me that.... you are the reason why you have an estranged wife.... you are the sole person who has made my sister the bipolar bitch she so often snaps into being...
Mum, my sister & i have suffered enough emotional, mental and physical abuse dealt by your cowardly ways... You drove my sister to insanity & away from this ridiculous thing you call a "family." Mum has run away.... yet again. This time she's lied... you think she's gone interstate.... she's hiding cos she's scared of you! You kicked me out on my birthday... a long awaited relief i must say...
Your actions have spoken as clearly as your words... and have for a very long time...
Some say that men have difficulty in showing emotion... love....
But going onto 21 years and not seeing it at all has taken the absolute shits out of any fucking joke. All i wanted was a conversation longer than 5 seconds, comprising of more than you telling me what a failure & disappointment i've been.
I've given up all hope in you... No longer will i sit there awaiting another punch.
I no longer feel hate... nor love for you... i feel nothing... i'm not even angry anymore...
You don't deserve any part of me and now i've finally taken a stand.... you can't control me anymore... i wont let you fuck my head up any longer than you already have.... you've done enough damage!!
"if you haven't got anything nice to say... dont say anything at all..."
I've tried to help you so many times... i've begged mum to go back home to you after you've beaten her... because i felt sorry for you... i did actually feel something for you other than hate... at one time....
I refuse to lie there in bed crying myself to sleep... trying to figure out why you are the way you are... i've realised i will never know the answer... i've always wanted you to seek help... but i know now that you're beyond it....
This is the final goodbye dad...
Enjoy the alcohol.... i hope it was worth losing your friends, wife & children over.
I hope you feel pain... vulnerability... lonelilness... fear... despondency... emptiness... worthless... ugliness... weakness... and most of all... i hope you feel failure because you have in more ways than one...
i've hurt enough at the wrath of your fists & words
Goodbye
From the one you use to know as your daughter...
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