.. :: Tattoos & Teardrops ::..

Mr.X
Missing you lots...
i'm enjoying this alone time... although i hope it doesn't last too fricken long cos yeah...
i need you...
i know that you're finding it hard being apart, as i am too...
but know that i hold your promise close to my heart and my promise to you i'll always keep...
i dont know what it is... i do trust you... but at the same time my heart's telling me to be cautious.
maybe it's from whatever's happened in the past... and babe, i have forgiven you for everything, it's hard to forget though...
and no... this isn't me throwing everything you've told me back into your face.. and im holding nothing against you.
i'm just scared as fuck that i'll lose you again.... that your heart may wonder...
that you might forget why we started this whole journey in the first place...

i have such conflicting emotions when it comes to what you said.. "it's the committment"
i understand why it scares you... but you entered this relationship ... you made the choices i did... you asked me to move in with you... and then you said that living together was too "marriage-like" ... i agree... but why does us living together have to fall into any category?

all i know is that i love you and miss being in your arms... i was really hurt when you left, but i guess things patch themselves up... and things between us are slowly getting back on track....

i will wait for you and stay faithful to you.... this is a promise that i KNOW i wont break... i simply dont have it in me to hurt you that way... in any way... (well i try my best not to.. im getting better @ not bein such a spaz)

absence makes the heart grow stronger.... i always knew that saying was true... so true that i wanted to avoid absence at all costs.. simply because the heart only grows stronger out of pain from not having your significant other close by.... my heart grows stronger without having to go thru this pain of missing you...

when you're by my side... within walking distance... bus distance.... in the same state.... i feel so safe... i feel confident.. i feel as though nothing, no one can harm me....
i can truly be myself without worrying about people judging me... cos ultimately, the only person's judgement that matters to me is yours.... and i know that you don't judge me in negative ways.... no matter how much i fuck up.

i've found it hard to be myself the past couple of days. i feel a lot more reserved.... i feel paranoid again... i feel that there are people talking about me... they're laughing @ me....
i know they aren't.... but for some reason, when you left... my confidence left & paranoia came back.... and this isn't me making you feel bad... it's just something i've noticed since you've gone...

i just wanna see you again.... i never want to feel this pain ever again.... i've lost you before and i cant lose you again.... i hope you're sorting things out in your head... i want to help you... but it seems as though when your head gets a bit shitty.. you push me away and run away....

i know that you gotta do what you gotta do... i respect that...
it's a huge thing for me to be able to let you go and not be so selfish as to hold you back.... for my own reasons.... cos of my insecurities and fears....
i hope that if nothing i've done has proved how much i love you... this does...

i cant wait to hear my phone ringing again.... -anonymous- i hope it's you.... take care of yourself.... please be good.... and most of all...
please come back to me in one peace baby...

love you so much...

always yours,
Miss. X


p.s - please send my love and regards to your mother & sisters in this time of hardship & need... i wish there was something i could do to console you all...
*hugs & kisses*