.. :: Tattoos & Teardrops ::..

goodbye Mr.X...

it's been a great journey... our craziness has complimented & driven each other beyond what we thought was possible...

you were my knight in shining armour... and i was your princess who you let your guard down for...
you've said that i know you better than anyone else... why does it feel that you're still a stranger?
i feel sorry for those who think they know you better than anyone.... they really have no clue, do they?

it's strange how things turned out... one day we were on cloud 9... planning to live abroad... somewhere exotic, different, new... i couldn't imagine life without you...

now...

i cant imagine my life with you...

you hurt me deeply for a long time... yet no one saw this but me...
you demanded i change... not for the better... but just so you could see the power you had over me in play...
you threw me around like a ragdoll.... you manipulated my behaviour & emotions to suit you...
you blamed me when you knew it was your fault...
you made me feel like i was crazy... when in reality, it was you who couldn't get your shit in order...

your family & friends saw me as a head fuck... i hurt you & changed you... i controlled you & didnt give you the freedom you wanted... i was relentless...
i caused a distance in your family somehow....?

i wasn't... i let u do what you wanted... i encouraged you to spend more time with your family & friends... yet you didnt...
i dealt with the abused hurled at me from your family... because i love you...
they crushed me... everytime i was around them... i wanted to die.
it would've been a lot easier than trying to impress them.
i had nothing against them... yet everything i said.. everything i was... was held against me.
i dont understand why i wasn't good enough...

i helped you more than anyone has in your world... not financially... on a completely different level...
i gave you unconditional love...
yet you spat it back in my face...
you chased another girl... i broke my first bone because you were unfaithful to me...
yet you claim that you dont remember it happening... i had proof & you knew it... denial.
you promised me you'd do anything in your power to win me back... for me to trust you again...
yet conveniently, when my broken bone healed... your promise disappeared...
you forgot that you were trying to prove yourself trustworthy to me...

instead of you loving me more... you grew less & less patient with me... you got angry with me and tried to hurry the healing process...
somehow you took my hurt and turned it into making me feel like i owed you something...
i had to change myself to make you happier...
you told me when to do what...
how to behave...

you may have not cared who or where or when i went out...
you gave me freedom in that way... but i was your prisoner... you manipulated me as a person... all because i trusted you...

i found the truth behind your innocent eyes... they're so deceiving.

it's all about the power to you...
and i gave it to you... i let you do what you wanted...
i changed to make you happier... i let you tame me...

never will you have that part of me again...
you want us to be friends... i do too...
on one condition....
only if you dont obsess over having power over the friendship...
you will never have that over me again...
i wont let you.

you will never see me the way i was with you..
i was too nice.. too generous.. i gave you my fucking heart.

Ms.X is gone... forever

thank you for the memories.. the strength to live...

im not able to be me... without being criticised & changed.... manipulated.

it really is.... the end.